Broadside cadence

HELLO GOODBYE

2009-08-20T00:27:00.002+08:00

i may be qutting this blog soon!
i may not be starting another one!
who knows engineering is tough

i'll let u guys know

cya

2009-08-16T20:57:00.001+08:00

i only have 4 lessons tomorrow!!!!

2 hours/ 2 hours/ 3 hours / 1.5 hours

AGAGAGAHHH

2009-08-14T23:22:00.002+08:00

i was wondering if sometimes the assholes you meet in your everyday life could be Jesus in disguise and you'll be judged if you respond in unfavorable ways. but then again if you think about it it's not Jesus' nature to be an asshole so how could that happen?

2009-08-14T23:13:00.001+08:00

i think i said this before, but maybe maturity is measured in part by how little you get worked up over both large and small things

2009-08-13T23:58:00.003+08:00

i can take it, the going is tough, there's lots of shit to do, its just that there's so little time for anything else

this shit takes my fire away! my fire for drawing

bah

wh-whaaat the hell is this?!?!?

2009-08-13T10:39:00.002+08:00

so on top of the 6 modules we have to do this mp2076 "engineering innovation and design".

it's a project.
it spans 2 semesters.
it's included in the GPA.

The MP2079 Engineering Innovation and Design (EID) course is an integral part of the second-year MAE curriculum. The course enables students to experience some of the practical learning in preparation for an engineering or technopreneur career in the new Knowledge Based Economy. This course encourages students to propose team-based projects, plan and develop the team ideas under the guidance of mentors and as such excites the imagination of aspiring engineers, innovators and technopreneurs.

All year 2 Aerospace Engineering and Mechanical Engineering students will be required to take MP2079 EID in AY09/10 Semester 1 and 2. Please attend the EID Orientation scheduled on: ... ....

BOOHOO

2009-08-13T00:14:00.001+08:00

why must i do engineering, cant i do something that i like, LIKE ART, HUHHH

but then again once you turn your hobby into a job it ceases to be a hobby anymore

EMPLEH

2009-08-11T20:52:00.002+08:00

monday: 0830 - 1830 / break 1230 - 1330
tuesday: 0830 - 1730 / break 1330 - 1630
wednesday: 1030-1330 (OH HELLS YEAH but not tomorrow, i got makeup for lab which is until 1630)
thursday: 1400-1830 / break 1530-1630
friday: 1030-1730 / break 1230-1430

why are the hours so JC-esque?!?!? (start early, end late with the 5-6pm crowd) it's not like the work is any easier, boo hoo

i'll take it easy i promise

2009-08-09T14:59:00.002+08:00

ohohohoho~~~ 0830 to 1830 days!!! with like 2 hours' worth of breaks in between, on average.

i must take this easy otherwise i will die of dejection!!! RAARR meanwhile i need to maintain the pace of finishing up a tutorial after each respective lecture. pfoo i will see great struggles ahead. but but at least i wont have to do math next sem ahahaha!!!!

also i ache all over from doing ippt, shit hurts

2009-08-07T01:13:00.003+08:00

i feel like making bentos and all that jap food that you can prepare all at one go, toss in the fridge, and then take out and eat over the course of a week. (or 3-4 days if you're not confident about modern refridgeration) they come in small sizes too so its not a problem. the problem is that my mom will probably go ape-shit when i try to make them (aaagh rice)

shit

2009-08-06T01:42:00.000+08:00

with ippt on saturday and the first day of school being 0830 hours i am so not looking forward to the next few days man well actually it's more of the ippt. it's knowing that you'll be suffering and feeling like shit and there's nothing you can do about it

2009-08-05T16:38:00.002+08:00

how do you build up a friendly relationship with a person who wakes you up with swearing and cursing in the morning, and greets you with more of the same when she comes home?

it takes patience and time, it's not easy, and i'm not going to try.

2009-08-05T00:01:00.001+08:00

i'm tired of things not going to plan. or is it that i'm tired of not being able to handle things that are not going as planned?

2009-08-03T22:13:00.002+08:00

haha maybe i should lay off the coffee i'm thinking too much its like you're thinking about alot of things, but you don't know what you're thinking about? it's like anxiety? i need something to do to take my mind off? what do i do? i've done so many things over and over again

2009-08-03T21:25:00.003+08:00

in the constant struggle to upstage each other we lose track of what's important and imagine threats to ourselves and while acknowledging valid evidence refuse to accept it

2009-08-03T18:48:00.002+08:00

performing responsibilites and caring about what you do are different things. all these years yes they did what was expected of them but they didnt care about what they did. but what am i saying, its not like i mind or know what i'm missing

2009-07-30T01:10:00.002+08:00

sometimes you can reconcile a faulty idea, sometimes you can fix a faulty idea, sometimes you have to totally abandon a faulty idea. doing these is relatively easy compared to making the decision as to which one it is.

2009-07-30T00:37:00.003+08:00

i'm so pissed off right now.

with art and the fact that style isnt worth shit unless you can do the basics arrghghgh i keep screwing up

relax!! chill!!! stand down

shit

nice stuff

2009-07-28T23:35:00.001+08:00

Galactic Center of Milky Way Rises over Texas Star Party from William Castleman on Vimeo.

2009-07-26T16:30:00.001+08:00

got a frying pan
now i need a ricer
potato, potato

2009-07-25T21:19:00.001+08:00

transition periods are so annoying. transition when you've been drawing something over and over again until its muscle memory, and you have to go unlearn that and relearn again because you got something wrong. its so tiring

2009-07-25T12:01:00.003+08:00

you should always expect of yourself what you expect from others, but never expect from others what you expect of yourself

if you want somebody to put in a certain effort, you must put in that effort yourself also; but just because you put in a certain effort, doesn't mean that you should expect others to do the same; you can lead by example but that doesnt mean others must follow.

2009-07-24T17:17:00.000+08:00

this is quite a sad story in its own way

2009-07-24T09:48:00.002+08:00

sometimes i wonder if i can remember the entireity of my dreams they'll probably make a good story.

i just had one which involved exploring this laboratory supposedly run by aliens, fleeing to the top of the building (it was a pretty tall building) with a bunch of released people, only to find that the army was also cooped up at the top and they are not exactly very friendly (sounds kind of Half-Life like now). Escape plans and alien tricks become progressively wacky (aliens sneak scarves on people which get longer and trail to the ground floor and they try to pull people down with that, people talk of wearing cardboard masks to sneak past the aliens and escape), people slowly start to lose their minds (those who go down have only come back up singing, retarded, delusional and crazy), and as things go on escape plans are being argued over and discussed with crayons and coloured paper. Then i had a brief realization that we might all be really nuts and stuck in a mental institution, there are no aliens, there are no military. then i cried in frustration because it makes no difference since we can't get out anyway and i don't know which is true.

funky, no?

expense control

2009-07-22T17:21:00.003+08:00

i was thinking about how to save money (once again) especially regarding cheap-ass outings and rich-ass outings.

i have a friend who MS-Excel's his expenses. its probably picked up from his past part-time job of using excel to calculate company stuff. i mean its a great idea but kind of troublesome, right.

so perhaps you can bypass that using a ticketing kind of system. for example, in one month you allow yourself to go to a rich-ass outing for 2 times, capping spending for these outings at $30 each. then you allow yourself to eat at average-priced places for 4 times (for 4 weekends), capping each meal at $10, allow yourself to eat at fast food/similarly-priced establishments for 6 times, capping each at $8, and allow a standard lunch-in-school for 25 days at a cap of $5, and then coffee money for $0.60 and at 25 days, so overall expenses on food are capped at $288. Any leftover from this $288 will go into discretionary funding in which you buy something material (non-consumable) for yourself. so everytime you eat or go out you just strike off a slot. The rest of the allowance will either be saved or go into purchase of materials for school purposes/ transportation, with the system reviewed every month in case something weird pops up.

2009-07-20T02:30:00.001+08:00

i'm feeling lonely? bored?

maybe because i quit work and there's nobody around.

but it's okay, i'll get over it soon

how silly!!!

2009-07-19T17:43:00.002+08:00

today i was trying to draw a vintage-like poster when i realised the guy i was painting looked odd. after looking at it for a while i realised that it was a creepy grin. after looking at it some more it resembled a sneer of a badly-done waxwork.

then i changed it, so it looks better now.

2009-07-15T00:27:00.004+08:00

If you cross lines they get messy!

Use more curves! No sharp angles! Nope they don't exist naturally... in clothing.

folds tend to gather at the ends!

HOORAY my last week at work. Apparently they tweaked the system so I won't be working alone now but who knows who I'll pair up with. Still I just bought 2 expensive sketchbooks from Popular (they're 6.90 ea now can you believe it they used to be 5.90, oh 2 years ago) and I'M ON FIRE!!!!!!! thanks partly to my other drawing dude friend who dropped by my house last week and I looked at his sketchbook and realised that i was missing alot of stuff like flow and errr dynamic position and uhhh liberal subject matter (which is tied to dynamic positioning, from an artist's point of view). okay i think he still uses construction lines but the end result is so good and clean that doesn't matter.

IPPT is coming up soon, i need to run 2min/400m comfortably. -comfortably-. i'm somewhat kan cheong and a slacker, so if i can make the 2.4km run seem like a 2.4km walk effort-wise then i'll be golden.

2009-07-08T22:52:00.003+08:00

mom: whole day in front of the computer. eat and do everything in front of the computer!
me: so what do you want me to do?
mom: i don't know what you want to do. what you want to do is up to you!

some weeks back....
mom: i don't know why we can't have a normal conversation properly like other people.

2009-07-06T17:40:00.002+08:00

boo hoo!!!

i have to work next week because apparently someone called and i missed it, so i called back and the guy there said "oh i think my colleague wanted to tell you your schedule for next week".

now that's not good news because working conditions just got shittier! hooray! (because instead of you and at least one other person squaring off against the public it's just you alone. so sad haha)

but i still get money right... right??? gah but i just get the feeling its not worth it anymore.

2009-07-03T23:11:00.000+08:00

oh man this is one sad story/song. with a well done PV to boot

2009-07-02T12:48:00.000+08:00

oh my i might have been retrenched! now's a good time to take a break

2009-06-28T15:51:00.002+08:00

haha yeah i'm being obtuse on purpose!

About a freeloader

2009-06-27T22:33:00.003+08:00

I was on the bus back home today when at a bus stop, this guy (around 20-27yrs) waited at the exit for people to get off, then quickly jumped on board. This is classified as freeloading (profiting at the expense of others who pay) and I can't stand freeloaders, especially for trivial things (like a bus ride, dude!) and the way that he did it certainly seemed like he had planned it so nicely. But then upon reflection he might be a sad sad man who lost his ezlink card / had it run out of money and had to get home somehow, the only money he had was in ten-dollar notes and even I agree that paying ten dollars for a bus ride is outright ridiculous.

So.... don't jump to conclusions, haha.

PS. For those who know what I'm talking about, Stalker-san is no more (because I hear from a reliable source she is stalking someone else now). Hooray

this post is about self-esteem.

2009-06-24T01:49:00.003+08:00

when you lack self esteem and confidence, you'll want something stable like a relationship to feel that you're being wanted by someone. but the relationship will be the only one keeping you emotionally afloat. in doing so you'll put everything you have into sustaining the relationship and keeping it, the first in which will be bad for you (enormous self-sacrifice), and the second will be bad for the relationship (possessive). in the end the relationship is lost, along with the heart you put in it. having put so much effort into the relationship only to see it fail, the next logical thing you would do would be to blame the other party for wasting your time and effort. and if enough has been put into it, you would blame them so much so as to hold grudges.

and the cause of it all?

you and your self-esteem.

once you understand something, it's hard to feel anything from it. something like being awed by magic that is actually science if you don't understand it.

2009-06-23T23:25:00.002+08:00

i wore my dad's short-sleeved office shirt to work. i guess it made me look older because this girl (around 14-16 years old) referred to me as 'uncle'.

2009-06-23T00:46:00.002+08:00

i saw a dead bird today, they say it entered the ceiling fan. it was a headless bird.

reminds me of the time one of those yellow-brown beetles dived into the wall fan back at jurong camp. i had to pick out pieces of it from my bed.

2009-06-16T00:42:00.000+08:00

ARRGH DIGITAL PAINTING OCD IS SO TIRING

money, money, money

2009-06-14T18:45:00.005+08:00

i was reading about "things you resort to when you're really broke" and i find it pretty appalling that sometimes i'll spend $10++ on a meal when that can actually feed you for two days.

that and as previously mentioned, i need to find more frugal friends! i was talking to one of my tiong friends (who's back in china now) and the kind of budget they live on (both here and there) is somewhat depressing.

speaking of that its a secret but inwardly i get very annoyed when i go out with people and is made to spend huge amounts of money on food just because somebody can afford to and insists on it. i don't have an issue with them burning their dollars on perishables, but rich-ass places will break a tight budget even if you order the cheapest stuff. i tried that last time and ate only rice and chilli and oh man it was horrible. but at least they had rice haha

i need to consult my buddy (NS) on this 'rich friends' issue, he's also a very thrifty man like me, like to see if he has any other advice than the one he gave last time (screw them, go out with poor friends)

(P.S. 'things to resort to when you're really broke' involves eating instant noodles for weeks on end, fishing, selling anything that can be sold, e-baying stuff that you buy at a discount, shoplifting, advice about short-term homelessness, making a chicken last for days, and a lot of weird recipes that are 70% condiments.)

Come to think of it I may actually save more when I don't live in hall anymore. The dinner & miscellaneous nanyang mart expenses will more than pay for the bus fare and all that.

2009-06-06T15:55:00.002+08:00

when i read/hear about people doing crazy shit with their siblings i would be all "oh man i wish i could experience that too!" then i realise i have a brother but then there's like some form of generation gap here and there and then i would be like "oh right...."

2009-06-05T19:02:00.001+08:00

"Simplest way to judge others: trust nobody. Seriously. Everyone has an agenda--the only questions are whether that agenda will hurt you or help you."

-SA forums

2009-06-04T22:03:00.002+08:00

lips actually do not go until the edges of the mouth. technically yes they do but they get kind of folded in at the edges so you can't really see the lips lips if you get what i mean.

i also read somewhere that the skin on your lips is identical to the skin surrounding your asshole, and they are interchangeable should you need a skin graft or something. think about that hahaha.

2009-06-03T01:59:00.001+08:00

painting with lineart is bad and leads to bad habits!

or maybe it's actually good and i've been doing it wrong!

... well, whatever works i suppose!

2009-06-01T14:37:00.001+08:00

naked wizard taser brawl!!!

(yes, literally)

2009-05-31T11:01:00.002+08:00

i was thinking maybe uni club presidents shouldn't be foreigners. it's not so much as them being foreign but that during long holidays they'll go home and not be in a position to organize anything. but then again you can say that 'oh well we can always have the VP org stuff!' well that may be true but my club has no VP now because the president graduated and now the VP is the president, who is at home in china for the holidays. boohoo.

2009-05-30T17:25:00.001+08:00

interesting reading:

cargo cults

"Famous examples of cargo cult activity include the setting up of mock airstrips, airports, offices, and dining rooms, as well as the fetishization and attempted construction of Western goods, such as radios made of coconuts and straw. Believers may stage "drills" and "marches" with sticks for rifles and use military-style insignia and national insignia painted on their bodies to make them look like soldiers, thereby treating the activities of Western military personnel as rituals to be performed for the purpose of attracting the cargo. The cult members built these items and "facilities" in the belief that the structures would attract cargo intended to be sent to them."

-wikipedia

2009-05-29T23:28:00.001+08:00

i thought today was saturday... it had a very saturday feel.

damn i need to go outttt

anybody want to do a 24-hour comic with me?

2009-05-28T20:37:00.003+08:00

basically you do a comic from concept to completion in 24 hours. it sounds like it'd be something fun to do together with other people and then see their progress/result at the end of it all. (its not a collaboration, you just do your own stuff.) it'd make for something interesting to show other people though.

sure, it's something you can do by yourself, but when you're drawing with other people there's some kind of motivation that makes you go on a sleepless, caffeine-fueled frenzy to push your story out. i learnt in army that being sleepless can give you the most exciting imagery among other things.

but i guess i dont know much people who draw or have free time so :(

2009-05-26T14:18:00.001+08:00

"Withdrawal symptoms—possibly including headache, irritability, an inability to concentrate, drowsiness, insomnia and pain in the stomach, upper body, and joints^[71]—may appear within 12 to 24 hours after discontinuation of caffeine intake, peak at roughly 48 hours, and usually last from one to five days, representing the time required for the number of adenosine receptors in the brain to revert to "normal" levels, uninfluenced by caffeine consumption. Analgesics, such as aspirin, can relieve the pain symptoms, as can a small dose of caffeine.^[72] Most effective is a combination of both an analgesic and a small amount of caffeine."

-wikipedia

:( :( :( :(

2009-05-24T16:44:00.002+08:00

i fear that consistent success will lead to arrogance, and when you are arrogant and you fall you fall very, very hard.

2009-05-22T00:23:00.000+08:00

成绩还 ok 的吧。

2009-05-21T21:59:00.001+08:00

等成绩公布与等进考场的感觉其实是一样的。

2009-05-20T00:06:00.002+08:00

要是我出门，我会觉得我在外面浪费时间。

要是我呆在家里，我会觉得生活得十分腻。

真是没办法。。。

可能该约些不常见的朋友出门吧。。。

（昨天刚发现vista含有写汉字的工具，试试一下。听说华语这方式又不霸占位子，以短短几句话可以把要说的都给说出来，想想一下也曼有道理的哦。)

2009-05-18T18:10:00.003+08:00

宽广的马勒戈壁景色多壮丽

勇敢的朝尼族人民歌颂著你

俊健的草泥马多么的美丽

一直不停的奔跑向著那日出的方向

嘿~在马背上弹奏一曲动听的旋律

迷人的姑娘她心醉神迷

醉在这马勒戈壁

我今天特意应邀来到马勒戈壁

传说有一种美丽的神兽它们生存这里

生活在山坡就在朝尼家的隔壁

它们的眼神忧郁好像生活总不乐意

在这里一年四季不变都吃着卧草

干旱的环境决定这里雨水没有多少

但是坚强的草泥马群居在这里

一群群的妆点这美丽的马勒戈壁

这里的草泥马其实分为三种

成年还不不会骑马的那是饭桶

朝尼两次的那匹叫做狂草泥马

只有部族最厉害的骑手才能骑它

热情好客的朝尼两次接待了我

来到牧场大家围着篝火欢迎着我

甘甜的草泥马奶美丽的姑娘

英俊的朝尼两次弹琴对我歌唱

Chorus

嘿~在马背上弹奏一曲美妙的旋律

远方的客人我们祝福你

欢迎来马勒戈壁

CrazySix

远方来的客人请您听我说

对您的祝福来自我的心田

为您献上美酒还有马奶的甘甜

请您随我的歌声一起游览这平原

这里到处长满茂盛的卧草

甜美多汁马勒戈壁的骄傲

只有它才能抚育草泥马长大

因为它这的风景才能更胜一幅画

点燃篝火朝尼大爷他弹著马头琴

能歌善舞的朝尼姑娘奔放又热情

一起狂欢吧一起狂欢吧

让我们一起打著手鼓唱著歌

希望你会开始喜欢上这里

喜欢上这壮丽的马勒戈壁

用卧草编成草环献给您

当您离去的时候别忘了骑上草泥马

(朝尼哥,这草泥马咋越来越少哇?)

(哎哟,那草泥马吃卧草才能活的是不?

那卧草都被河蟹给吃光喽!)

(那河蟹是嘛玩意呐?)

(你想知道?小伙子,听我接着唱呗,来勒!)

听说它本来应该生长的地方

是在那银迹岸的咪子河

也不知道为什么来到了这里

来到这马勒戈壁

它根本就不通人性见草就拔光

有着坚硬外壳也没办法杀完

卧草在变少草泥马该怎么办

美丽的它该怎么办

嘿~在马背上我在烦恼

美丽的草泥马该怎么办

This is incredibly funny in that "草泥马", "grass mud horse", has a double meaning as "操你妈" meaning "screw your mum", and "河蟹" (river crab) also means "和谐" (harmony), the chinese govt's term of censoring opinion.

I think 马勒隔壁 is a pun also. It means a place without conflict (so says the internet)

it's a pretty normal children's tale otherwise

2009-05-18T13:02:00.002+08:00

i exploded in rage today while painting.

i find that i get immensely irritable whenever i'm painting something, and it looks so close to the desired effect, yet so far. it's terribly frustrating.

and then when you switch layers (on the bottom right) some individual signs in to MSN (possibly again and again), impeding my work and I feel like MSNing them to ask them what's their problem, but then again it's not their fault. After all I can just quit MSN right?

Anger management.

2009-05-17T13:18:00.002+08:00

to give a "paintbrush" effect, paint in short dabs and strokes.

obvious right? i thought so too!!!

but i am realising it now though

2009-05-17T11:34:00.001+08:00

ohhhh so lethargic

2009-05-16T17:35:00.000+08:00

to appreciate life at home, get out.

2009-05-15T00:56:00.003+08:00

sometimes when i want to know something badly i'll ask myself: "will i even remember that i wanted to know in a month from now?" if the answer is "no" (as it usually is) it somewhat takes a load off the back. most things in life are so transient.

2009-05-14T21:16:00.002+08:00

"An ABC News report on the reactions of people who witnessed female-on-male violence. "
- male-on-female violence portrayed to compare and contrast (it's alrite they're all actors)

2009-05-14T18:21:00.002+08:00

not going for the job anymore. pay has dropped and it sucks, overall. cut my hair though. wasnt exactly what i wanted but i guess appearances are more dictated by face than hairstyle so no biggie there.

2009-05-12T17:14:00.002+08:00

today my buddy (NS) called me up and said "hey lets go work as waiters!"

the gig he told me about sounds quite lucrative given the pay, but as he said you don't get such money for nothing. you carry heavy-ass dishes, that according to him is "heavier than an M-16". That, and you walk alot, and have to be on your toes at all times.

i told him okay lets go sign up tomorrow and i'm now suffering anxiety haha. also i'll need a haircut. right now my hair is so long that cutting to any acceptable length (for a workplace) will be a pretty dramatic change. plus i wouldnt know how to cut it, now.

from the internet

2009-05-12T13:50:00.000+08:00

"Quick son! What's more important? Money or Love?"

"Well, Money Dad... I can always rent Love"

2009-05-11T12:55:00.001+08:00

if you complain about whiny people, does that make you one yourself?

hohoho

2009-05-09T14:14:00.004+08:00

i have no money now and i am not working/ can't find a job/ not looking for one so stop going to those fancy places arrgrgh

my buddy (NS) said "well the solution is simple, choose frugal friends" but i am finding it hard to find such frugal friends. i would meet up with him for meals but he lives around amk. it is a hassle to travel there and he won't go over to the west either.

when i say "lets eat at a place without waiters" it doesnt mean that i hate being served or "lololol service charge too ex for you ah?". what it means is that most places that are not worth value for money (food-wise) have waiters (i guess because some part of your food cost go to the waiting staff). by kicking waiters out of the mix you are actually getting more value for the food instead, because service is immaterial. lets face it, the % service charge is a pittance unless you're spending a bomb on whatever you're eating.

i'm tired of going to so-and-so to eat where they're selling the location (meaning they pay high rents and have to charge accordingly) and not the food. also it's not helping that i have no money and my atm balance is dropping each week (because i am going out each week HAHA)

words of wisdom

2009-05-04T21:49:00.002+08:00

when estimating lengths it is better to zoom out and estimate (zooming out also allows you to compare relative size to the rest of the drawing). drawing when zooming in can lead to greater errors in estimation because 1. you have no reference and 2. greater physical distance covered means greater possibility of error. E.g. try cutting a 2-cm line into 2 1-cm pieces as compared to a 40-cm line into 2 20-cm pieces. you'll probably make a larger error in the latter. in a place where physical precision is more preferred that may be more helpful. i think.

2009-05-03T16:50:00.002+08:00

when artists say "volume" what i think it means is ARE YOU APPLYING ENOUGH CONTRAST IN THE RIGHT PLACES?

2009-05-03T12:40:00.002+08:00

the pursuit of fairness is a laughable thing, particularly so when no one else cares about it

a few reflections

2009-04-25T13:20:00.002+08:00

if you let yourself get pushed around, it's not so much because you deserve it but rather that you stand for it. and if you stand for it, then you have no qualms about getting pushed around.

if you don't like something, leave.

if it doesn't involve you directly, there is no point in getting worked up over it.

giving someone trinkets to win their goodwill probably means you don't have a very stellar personality in the first place.

i'm glad i got rid of all my books (from hall). everything else should be a cinch to carry now.

2009-04-21T02:51:00.001+08:00

her breath, like vodka
and no its not a good thing
even though i drink

2009-04-20T17:12:00.003+08:00

physics, ouch

this is like the first paper where i took a look at the part (a) of the first question, then part (b), and then prepared myself for the possibility that i might fail badly for this one, and wondered if bombing 4AU's worth of physics can be compensated for in any way, and how it may trash my GPA as a whole.

but it's okay, i pulled through and managed to do everything (not necessarily correctly, as i confirmed later on.)

2009-04-18T15:05:00.002+08:00

i think God has been very gracious in allowing me to sneak through all the papers so far untouched (especially the stats question, last time i studied that topic was for the CA but i got past this one by drawing diagrams); in other words, everything so far has been doable. it ought to be a cakewalk unless my mistakes get too grevious.

hoping thats the same for the rest, too

2009-04-14T16:45:00.000+08:00

swinging between grossly overconfident and anxiously worried

2009-04-13T02:54:00.000+08:00

i do past year papers early and often to relieve my insecurities.

its pretty much the same with drawing really

haiz

2009-04-09T00:13:00.002+08:00

it's been one year, and it's been too fast. in 3 more years i'll have to look for a job. and once i get a job i'll work, and the only thing to look forward to is retirement and subsequently dying. life is too short.

UPDATE AGAIN

2009-04-06T21:07:00.002+08:00

good news and bad news.

bad news is that my stylus fell out somewhere. i don't even know if it fell out at home or at school, but since after searching its not in any of those areas, then it must have fallen out from a zipped bag somehow.

good news is that one can buy it directly from wacom, they'll deliver it free, but it costs $115.

damn i'm damn pissed. maybe it's an art OCD thing. bad mood.

i realise that when i don't draw i somehow find that i have alot of free time. this makes my life suddenly feel very empty... its like there's nothing to do all of a sudden. it's very blank and dead. like there's no meaning to anything anymore, everything else becomes merely a task to complete.

oh mannn this is no good

UPDATE!

2009-04-06T00:18:00.003+08:00

I think i left my stylus at home. at least i hope it's at home. it's not in my laptop bag that's for one.

fuck

first thing in the morning i will go home on tuesday and get it. monday night i will call home to see if it is there. or i may go home on monday night. this thing is nuts

2009-04-05T10:55:00.001+08:00

ffffaaaugugughhhh i needa to draw

whoops!

2009-04-03T17:34:00.001+08:00

I left my tablet back in hall!

he says the most profound things

2009-04-02T02:26:00.002+08:00

me: we should ask so-and-so to get ice cream from JP's macdonalds for us (because the one at ntu had closed)

roomie: but the one at JP is more expensive.

me: shouldn't you be worried that the ice cream would have melted when it got here?

roomie: maybe that's the difference between nbs people and engineering people.

2009-03-31T22:42:00.000+08:00

i am sick.

because my room is so dusty.

i am so sad.

and tired.

drawing is a (computer) science

2009-03-29T01:42:00.003+08:00

if you draw with construction lines, slowly and painstakingly, it is rare that you will make mistakes. it is highly possible (in fact, guaranteed) you will draw very very slowly, and not fast enough to sustain interest. this is like having one function with one input and one output. but it's a very very long function.

if you draw from memory, from experience, it is like you are drawing many outputs from many different functions. the problem is that the input (size) for all of these functions have to match for everything to look proportionate. it's like yes anybody can draw the shape of a hip or the shape of thighs and calves, but it's very very very easy to screw them up when using a tablet (because when you zoom in you can't see the whole picture, so you tend to overshoot the size but not the shape, since the shape is already muscle memory anyway).

the greater range of inputs you have for all these functions, the greater your margin of error. that is indisputable.

lastly, the more you run the program, drawing the same thing again and again and again (for practice, so i say to myself) your data tends to corrupt. bit by bit the shape changes and because you're drawing again and again, repeating and repeating, you don't notice the subtle change. until one day you take a step back and look at the whole picture and think: something is wrong here, but i followed all the formulas.

then when you find out what is wrong, you restructure everything and redefine the functions from scratch. then confident that your program is now flawless, you run it again and again, accumulating minor corruptions of data....

so what is the point here? does practice really make perfect?

(also lately i find i derive enjoyment from doing maths past year papers, but like all things to be enjoyed, one should take them slowly. and thats the problem, i've been taking it too easy when doing those papers; i take two days to do one because i slack off so much.)

not motivated

2009-03-24T16:33:00.004+08:00

nowadays its like there's nothing much to look forward to; it means nothing to anticipate and be happy about. in a sense it becomes a form of unhappiness, which tends to mean more of an absence of happiness than being upset about anything. its these days that you feel like sleeping for a long time until the pace picks up. you dont want anything because nothing can make you happy. i dunno. its like a bored kind of slight depression, its like apathy towards everything.

2009-03-24T00:14:00.002+08:00

i am considering the possibility that certain people i know are in love with love, it is a nasty, self-feeding and ultimately self-destructive thing that stays pristine and untainted until it is destroyed with grave consequences. being in love with love is somewhat unrealistic, the individual may seek out someone to love for the sake of loving, and love is a cruel and dirty piece of work when it goes sour. it usually does.

2009-03-22T11:37:00.002+08:00

engineering topics are usually very simple: put in a coin, get a coke. you either get a coke or do not get a coke. if you do not get a coke then you put in too little money, or you did not press the 'coke' button. if you put in too much money, you get a coke plus some change.

except computing. you can put in a coin and press the button and the machine won't give you a coke. it will not tell you why either. okay, sometimes it will tell you why but not in a form that you can understand. otherwise it will give you a sprite WHEN YOU PRESS THE COKE BUTTON DAMMIT

2009-03-20T20:44:00.001+08:00

The secret to learning fast is not in speed, it's about knowing what not to learn (so as to concentrate on what you ought to.)

hachoo, hachoo

2009-03-19T16:40:00.004+08:00

:(

i realise that one way to make your tutorials seem like they do themselves is to do them immediately after each lecture instead of waiting for 'due dates'. Each lecture covers about 2-3 questions (or half of a tutorial at most), so it's not like you spend a lot of time doing them. After that I find that I have quite some free time so yeah. so it's not like i have alot of free time, it just looks like i have alot of free time because i do everything during the day.

it gets frustrating sometimes (like maths nowadays) when you can't get the right answer and spend the rest of the day trying to get the answer right and then redoing it and getting distracted.

somehow i feel that aside from probability and statistics, everything after that is just a preparation to the last chapter of whatever-vector-functions. so if you view it another way the whole term is just about 1. probability and 2. vector functions. hahahaaaugh

IF UR MY ROOMIE DUN READ BEYOND THIS LINE
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damn gross la. yesterday i was boiling water to make milo. then when i got to almost the bottom of the milo cup there was this tiny dead bug there. i didn't see it fall in so i guess it must have fallen in while i was filling up water or something or maybe before that. so that's why i am not taking anymore chances and putting the electric kettle back in the shelf where i took it from instead of under the metaphorical sky. now i understand why my mom puts a cloth over the electric kettle at home.

be careful of what you call others, it could happen to you

2009-03-16T17:46:00.000+08:00

i used to call my roomie a health nut. nowadays i don't do that anymore.

behold, boredom

2009-03-12T21:58:00.003+08:00

Calculation of the distance of each of NTU's lanes and stuff based on a list of preset running routes and their respective distances found on the 'net.

EFG is where Nanyang Ave/ Nanyang Crescent intersect.
DCA is where Nanyang Drive/ Nanyang Crescent intersect. (At NIE side)
HCB is where Nanyang Drive/ Nanyang Walk intersect.
BFA is where Nanyang Drive/ Nanyang Ave intersect.
AAG is where Nanyang Drive/ Nanyang Crescent intersect. (At Hall 5 side)

yes i know i sound proud of it but actually no one gives a shit. but hey at least i could use that.

2009-03-10T10:40:00.003+08:00

"Somewhere around the middle of the 19th century, General Napier was approached by a delegation that protested the British ban on Suttee. Napier responded by saying, "It is your custom to burn widows. Very well. We also have a custom: when men burn a woman alive, we tie a rope around their necks and hang them. Build your funeral pyre and beside it my carpenters will build a gallows. You may follow your national custom - then we shall follow ours.""

From

you expect you lose

2009-03-06T00:09:00.002+08:00

went out for dinner with hall people today and they (actually a grand total of 2 other people) were talking about stuff.

i think when you give something, you should give it without hoping for anything in return. if you chase a chick and give her stuff, you should not expect anything in return. you should not expect her to reciprocate by liking you. expecting her to do so makes the whole affair seem like a monetary transaction. goods and money for company. sound familiar, yes. and in the end if she dumps you, it's no one's fault but your own. you feel upset because you have seen it as a lost investment. you feel upset because you feel that all the time and money you put into this has been a waste. if you think that way, you might as well just cut to the chase and get some professional paid company.

hence i will not do anything or give anything or make anything for other people if there is even the slightest chance that i feel that i have to be compensated in some way. if i treat others, it is because i have the money and goodwill to spare. if i help others, it is because i have the time and effort to spare.

not because you might hope that the other person will even feel grateful for what you did, nor expect that person to help you out in your time of need. if that person fails to repay your help, it is not because that person has failed or betrayed you; it is that you have failed yourself in both judgement and mindset.

2009-03-01T20:47:00.001+08:00

try to increase saturation before increasing darkness, if at all. overextending on darkness without appropriate saturation can lead to a lifeless, stark feeling, which is okay if you are trying to convey a "cool" feeling but totally inappropriate for a "warm" setting.

i like

2009-02-25T01:45:00.000+08:00

taking it easy

2009-02-24T18:52:00.001+08:00

cold day sleepy days

2009-02-23T00:20:00.001+08:00

dont talk dont move stop and consider

2009-02-22T00:02:00.000+08:00

bobby pins are secure only when used in a cross fashion

2009-02-21T19:33:00.002+08:00

i read somewhere that you should always treat people like you just met them because you must accept the fact that they may have changed in some way or other since your last meeting, and hence enforcing your previous perception of them on them is kind of a selfish expectation; you think you know their character and hence you will expect them to do things this way or that, and you feel disappointed and such or misunderstandings occur if they do not act the way you predict.

now this is pretty deep, but i think i should learn from this because i have a bad tendency to jab verbally at people i feel comfortable with.

2009-02-21T01:14:00.003+08:00

i think the key difference being mature and not being mature is knowing when to be excitable and when not to. like being excitable or angry at small stuff, thats no good

though if you are never excitable i think nobody can ever confirm if you are immature.

you might be seen as being very cold and antisocial though

sometimes

2009-02-19T22:36:00.003+08:00

its so hard to believe that people have nothing but good intentions

2009-02-17T01:58:00.002+08:00

some links here yep

*not funny stuff or anything, just wordy stuff for future reference